Nobody told me

Nobody told me that morning sickness can last all day.

Nobody told me that feeling her move would take so long (21 weeks) and make me so happy.

Nobody told me the anxiety I would feel between appointments, just praying my baby was still okay.

Nobody told me I would be so proud of my body and what God created it to do, but also struggle to see it constantly changing.

Nobody told me that it’s worse in movies than in real life.

Nobody told me quickly everything changes.

Nobody told me. Or maybe they did and I just couldn’t understand. Not until I was living it.

Nobody told me sadness could be replaced with rage months later.

Nobody told me how much I could love such a tiny person.

Nobody told me how hard it would be to hear “where’s the baby?” the first time you’re out alone.

Nobody told me how much joy would come from making mom friends or seeing my best friends (and family) with MY baby.

Nobody told me how much I would love watching my husband become a dad, and how much more I could love him.

Nobody told me how much I would want to keep my baby tiny.

Nobody told me how excited I would be with each new thing she learned.

Nobody told me how hard and joyful and stressful and exciting being a mom would be.

Everyone told me to “savor” the moments because they pass quickly, and they do. Everyone told me “just wait…” Everyone told me I would miss the stages I was struggling in. I do, but not all of it. I miss the tiny yawns, but not all the middle of the night wakings. I miss the naps on the couch together, but not the hours of pumping. I miss feeling the kicks and flutters, but not the bladder punches. I miss her being so tiny, but I love watching her grow.

Everyone’s journey of motherhood is different, so no one can tell you exactly what it will be like. If we could, that would be a best selling book. We can read all the blogs and parenting books, we can buy all the “training courses”, we can use all the fancy gadgets, but there isn’t a map. The only thing we can fully trust is God’s guidance. The patience, love, and gentleness a mom needs only comes from the Lord, because between the hormone roller coaster, sleepless nights, and constant changes we need something unchanging.

It’s hard being a mom. In every aspect. It’s hard. It’s also wonderful. It’s what I have always wanted to be. It is a calling. A calling that I am more than happy to answer.